Do you KNOW who YOU are? Business and Life, No Longer as Usual.

Published: May 16, 2026

About two years or so ago, I had an argument, a dispute, will you, with my mother. I was scared. So, I added fuel to the fire, and I took my years of pint up frustration with my upbringing and my current state out on her. Years of pathing through my professional career - struggling through the struggles that come with that and come with that as a black woman..."deep breathe folks"...in America. She was recovering from some sort of sickness, a cold, I think. I was concerned, I was scared, even. She's getting up there. I went to what I placed as the source of that sickness. I questioned her. I judged her. There is so much history that informed my choices, but they were my choices, nonetheless.

She told me something that stuck with me and that I replay in my head continuously. I "hooted and hollered" as we say in the south. I have NEVER talk to my mother, nor confronted her in that manner. When I would get upset or don't want to confront, I evade and deflect. I stay away (which, this is also a lifestyle choice. Minimal external engagement and influence as I grow with my intermediate family). Anyway, she said, "You forgot where you came from!!" In her most southern, country voice. Whew! Ears rung! I got more pissed and flustered, I kept going! I told her all about the issues I had. Mind you, we've lightly touched said subjects before, but not like this. 

You forgot where YOU came from

My God, she was right. She was wrong. I neglected my roots, to become something of success. To take care of myself and family. I followed the path I had been set on, although untraditionally. I mounted that pressure onto myself and my family. And I switched up, code switched. I tried to justify everything. And I'm more so speaking of my professional career. I downplay and minimize myself in certain scenarios as not to alert those "in charge" and bring issues to myself. But that's not how this system works. It eats you and consumes you. 

I "forgot where I came from" because this system calls for it. And as a result, I've suppressed my creative genius. The same genius that pathed me into success. What I deem success. Pursuing my husband. Graduating high school from a career focused, STEM centered high school. Being the first student in my kindergarten class or first grade who learned how to read. Being placed in pre-advanced placement (AP) courses all throughout my high school years. Studying and interning successfully on topics including food and nutrition, early childhood education, Child Care 1 & 2. Living minimally, as truly as possible. Giving birth naturally to my last three children. Breastfeeding my children - this is not something that I've known the women around me and before me to do, but I did it with minimal to no hesitation. Driving results for fortune 100 and global 100 IT organizations including generating multi-nine-figures in sales-validated pipeline in one year. 

Everything that I already knew to be true came to a head and is still coming to it. 

How This Shows up in my Professional Presence

From writing articles that don't resonate with ME, to targeting audiences that don't resonate with me, to chasing proximity to what I THOUGHT "success" and "peace" was. I have done everything possible to avoid pursuing my dreams the most aligned way in my own business. I keep trying to fit into a box that is not mine. I have always built my own box, what the hell am I doing? It's bad enough I restrain myself in my 9-5 jobs most times, but the reasons I do it are enraging. Because I believe that if I let myself be FREE, that I will catapult to heights I design myself. As I do in those moments of freedom, free work, freeing work. But I always think "this is too good to be true" and "something bad is going to happen, it always does". Perhaps that's the subconscious recollection of the burning of black churches, or bombing of black wall street, or the years of doubt unstilled by cold, angry, unresponsive parenting and schooling and socializing. Who knows? I know.

This is MY Problem

I did not come all this way to be moving backwards. And that's my problem. I let fear consume me, then I act ridiculous. I try to align myself with those who aren't aligned. With those who don't deserve my presence and engagement. I mean, do I KNOW WHO I AM?! Seriously! This has to stop and it will. 

The wonderful thing about waking up each new day is that I get to do it and make my own choices. Now, the caveat is this system, but I can do what I can. And it's non-conventional. And I have to be courageous and content with that. I have to be content with letting go of this fantasy of peace through a lifestyle that is not for me and my family. I have to trust God how I was raised to and chose to all the way back to when I was a little girl. Going to church, vacation bible school in the summers shaped me. Going to church with my cousins shaped me. Riding with my husband at 18 years old to my first job interview shaped me. And much, much more.

So, who am I to let God's gift to herself and this ecosystem and universe, perish in the way that I have and am?

My Next Steps, Until My Dying Day

Y'all ever heard that chant / jingle, "I know I can! I know I can? Be who I wanna be! Be who I wanna be! I know I can! I know I can! Do what I wanna do! Do what I wanna do!"? Yeah, it's a HIT! And it rings so true, 32, almost 33 years later. And it's simple. I KNOW I can. So I need to keep doing. I do all these things that don't align, subconsciously, because I think it proves that doing these complex, deteriorating things and persevering through just means that when I do the things I WANT and NEED to do, it will be that much easier, soothing, and rewarding. The system taught me to normalize struggle. My inners and immediate ecosystem taught me to do that as well. But they also taught me that things don't have to be that hard or complicated. So, with that, I am choosing to pursue what aligns best with me at all times. The words that I let conjure and leave my being, the actions I take at every turn, the choices I make. It's all good, or at least it will be.

Best regards,

Shaun Martinez, PMMC™